I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
