I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
