He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
