Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I fill condoms, not promises.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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