operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize