Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
