You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
