Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
