2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
