do herpes really smell.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Randomize
