I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
