so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
