Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
