Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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