I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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