Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
