this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
