peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
pop tarts are not kleenex
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
