Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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