Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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