WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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