Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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