idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
