I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
