I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize