I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
