I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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