I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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