I wanna bring you to show and tell
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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