That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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