I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize