I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I am mentally ready for anal.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
