Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Send help, water and tortillas.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
