my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
please come you make the beer taste better
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
