I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
