WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
