Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize