I didn't shave. On purpose
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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