my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
