I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I didn't notice because vodka
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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