My brain says no but my pants say off.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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