I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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