Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
