Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I need moral support for this bender
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
