yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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