When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
