No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
