Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
