i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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