onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
