I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
