I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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