What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
