It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
