I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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