matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
