omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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