If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
