**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
