connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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