I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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