Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
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