you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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