woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
