you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I have post one night stand depression
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
