i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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