I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize