i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And then my night got REAL pukey
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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