i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
