there was a trapeze. enough said
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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