That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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