i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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