dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
